I Am Nessa

Nessa Levine

Who am I?

picture of assorted multicolored glasses framesMy name is Nessa Levine. I am going to be a freshman in high school this coming fall, and I am super excited about it, but I am also nervous. I am almost 15 years old. I am Jewish. I love writing, reading, singing, acting, dance, computers, astronomy, Rainbow Looming, and art. My goal in life is to be a published author. I also have Asperger’s Syndrome, but that is quite the tongue-twister, so I just call it AS.

How I explain AS to people is that everyone is born with an invisible pair of glasses. These special glasses have lenses that alter the viewer’s perception of the world. Most neurotypical people (people who don’t have any physical, social, emotional, behavioral, or learning disabilities) have similar lenses on their glasses. One neurotypical person’s lenses might perceive one or two things a bit differently than another neurotypical person’s lenses, but for the most part, neurotypicals see the world in the same way. People who have AS or other disabilities have really quirky lenses. Their lenses cause them to see--or, in some cases, sense--things that neurotypicals simply do not have the ability to perceive. For example, when I was little, I could often hear the faint humming noises in a room or somewhere that other people managed to ignore like it was nothing! I would not be able to focus on reading or coloring because of that cacophonous humming that my mother never noticed. Or, also when I was younger, when my teachers made a spelling, grammar, or arithmetic mistake when writing on the board, I would be the first in my class to call it out. My teachers would brush it off like it was nothing, but I would see it as the end of the world. Luckily, my math teacher really appreciated my arithmetic critiquing and my having memorized “Thirty Days Hath September” so that I could help my classmates with a math problem involving the number of days in various months.

The perception of these humming noises and the “‘I’ before ‘e’ except after ‘c’ unless it says ‘eigh’ like in ‘neighbor’ or ‘weigh’” mistakes is one of the things that causes problems for people like me. Neurotypicals find it ridiculous, distracting, and completely unnecessary that I notice these things. They tell me that I shouldn’t waste “precious brain space” on memorizing world capitals, poetry, or digits of pi. The way I see it, if I don’t notice it when the teacher says that 12 times 4 is 60, who will?

The other problem that my special lenses cause people is that my lenses are so focused on remembering that the capital of Albania is Tirana that I can’t pick up on simple gestures and cues that neurotypical lenses are designed to pick up on. I don’t notice if my conversation partner zones out on me when I’m discussing chemical bonds and valence electrons. I am the last person to notice if my shirt doesn’t match my pants. And if I am flailing my arms around while emphasizing a point and there happens to be a cup of water near me, you can forget about the water staying in it. It’s as if I don’t even know the cup is there!

Even though I have AS, it is just one piece of the puzzle that is me. I am so much more than Asperger’s Syndrome. I am an artist, a writer/blogger, a dancer, a feminist, an advocate for LGBTQ rights, a hater of racism, a singer, an actress, a daughter, a friend, a granddaughter, a niece, a lover of learning and books, and a dreamer. I am Nessa.

Category: Reflections & Perspectives

Tagged under: Asperger's Syndrome, teens, actuallyautistic